Okay time to liven things up a bit with some jokes!
- Thread starter Pepe Le Ghey Pew
- Start date
Past Glory
I still have several AVON calendars from the 90's
Driving down the road and saw my ex.
It's funny how "I'd hit that" changes meaning over the years.
It's funny how "I'd hit that" changes meaning over the years.
auminer
Renaissance Redneck
A guy gets shipwrecked on an island with only a dog and a pig to keep him company.
He builds a shelter, and there is plenty of fish, and lots of tree dead fall to build cook fires. He settles in to a routine, but after about 5 or 6 months, the little pig starts to looking good.
He controls himself for as long as he can, but one night he can't help himself. He scoots over to the pig and starts stroking her back and rubbing her feet, when all of a sudden the dog viciously attacks him.
He knocks it off, and sulks away, ashamed of himself.
Several more months go by, and the guy just can't hold out any longer. He checks to make sure that the dog is sound asleep, tiptoes over to the pig, and begins his overture. Sure enough, the dog wakes up and attacks him even more violently than before.
A couple of more months go by, the guy just spends his days sulking and pondering swimming out to sea to die.
There's a huge storm, and the next morning, a drop-dead gorgeous, world-class beautiful woman washes up to the beach clinging to some flotsam.
The guy gets down on his knees weeping, thanking his diety of choice for his good fortune.
He walks up to the woman and says, "Say... Would you please do me a favor? Hold this dog for me for a while!"
He builds a shelter, and there is plenty of fish, and lots of tree dead fall to build cook fires. He settles in to a routine, but after about 5 or 6 months, the little pig starts to looking good.
He controls himself for as long as he can, but one night he can't help himself. He scoots over to the pig and starts stroking her back and rubbing her feet, when all of a sudden the dog viciously attacks him.
He knocks it off, and sulks away, ashamed of himself.
Several more months go by, and the guy just can't hold out any longer. He checks to make sure that the dog is sound asleep, tiptoes over to the pig, and begins his overture. Sure enough, the dog wakes up and attacks him even more violently than before.
A couple of more months go by, the guy just spends his days sulking and pondering swimming out to sea to die.
There's a huge storm, and the next morning, a drop-dead gorgeous, world-class beautiful woman washes up to the beach clinging to some flotsam.
The guy gets down on his knees weeping, thanking his diety of choice for his good fortune.
He walks up to the woman and says, "Say... Would you please do me a favor? Hold this dog for me for a while!"
gixxernaut
Hold my beer & watch this
A mathmatician who specializes in probabilities became afraid of flying because the probability of someone smuggling a bomb onto the plane, while very low, was higher than he could tolerate.
Finally one day when he was required to fly to a convention he managed to get on the flight. Some of his colleagues who knew of his phobia asked him how he managed to overcome it.
"Simple," he said, "I calculated that the probability of two different people smuggline a bomb onto the plane was virtually non-existent. So I smuggled a bomb onto the plane."
Finally one day when he was required to fly to a convention he managed to get on the flight. Some of his colleagues who knew of his phobia asked him how he managed to overcome it.
"Simple," he said, "I calculated that the probability of two different people smuggline a bomb onto the plane was virtually non-existent. So I smuggled a bomb onto the plane."
pickled egg
Dave K’s doppleganger
Attachments
HPPT
!!!
I shudder every time I see your name as the last poster on this thread.
pickled egg
Dave K’s doppleganger
nigel smith
Well-Known Member
In this situation, I'm like Dave K driving by an Audi dealership. I know it's going to hurt, but I go in anyhow.
rd400racer
Well-Known Member
After his examination, the doctor said to the elderly man: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'
'In fact, I do.' said the old man.. "After I have sex with the wife, I am usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."
The doctor could not find any explanation for this.
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: 'Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?'
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you
the first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time.
Do you know why?'
"Oh, that crazy old bastard'' she replied. “That's because...The first time is usually in December and The second time is in May.”
'In fact, I do.' said the old man.. "After I have sex with the wife, I am usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."
The doctor could not find any explanation for this.
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: 'Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?'
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you
the first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time.
Do you know why?'
"Oh, that crazy old bastard'' she replied. “That's because...The first time is usually in December and The second time is in May.”