You knew her quirks, you were fine with them at one point. Expecting change and expecting her to do something because of what YOU chose to do that day isn't on her. I'm like her, I hate going out shopping like that, I'll go to races, go to the bar and all that and be happy but just running to Lowes for bags when I was ready to do other things or even nothing just because my SO decided on something they wanted to do - nope. Arguing about it isn't a big deal, argue, vent, move on.
Took me a long time to make my wife understand something simple. She got to where she wouldn't ask me to help her do things. When we got into the topic discussing it she said "I never ask you to help because I don't want to hear you complain about doing it." My response was that it really doesn't matter what she asks me to do. If she asks me while I want to do something else instead, I'll bitch the entire time I am doing it. The key take away is I am bitching while I am doing it. I don't complain about it and then not do it. Just let me go on with my bitching and ignore it. What you asked me to do is in fact getting done. She's been fine since then. I know I am a dick that only wants to do what I want to do but that's not going to stop me from helping her even if I am slightly agitated while doing it. I'm not sure what part of my younger years formed that reaction, but it is part of how I function, and I do try to not do it.
I got aids recently (aviation induced divorce syndrome). As much as it sucks, it could have been a lot worse. I appreciated reading through most of the 200+ pages of this thread and used that info to avoid most of the pitfalls of divorce.
So, let me paint a picture, I will undertake a project, a labor project, and while I do I bitch and moan and curse like a sailor, I bitch about the process, the fing bolts, tools, the angle, the reach the lack of light, the etc, etc, etc, Its how I learned to work on cars, in homes, etc. Its how I do things, my wife gets so upset when Im like that working, as if its her that Im angry at, Im not even really angry, Im just working. Hell I do this with my job, I become hyper focused and it seems like Im angry while Im really not, Im the dad from christmas story fixing the furnace, hes not mad at his family, hes fixing the furnace. I love my wife, but when In bloody knuckled and two hours behing when I said Id be done, no there is nothing you can do to help, and NO IM NOT CALLING SOME ONE! Ive also had the same issue, while Im in the middle of something I get asked to do something, I almost always respond in a charged tone, that Im in the middle of something, and then shes mad at me for my tone and she is only asking. Timing is everything, and knowing eachother is everything also. My wife is Nigerian, and Nigerians dont have an American softness when they ask, mostly because its not an ask, its an expectation. Its dont wonders on my kids, honestly they have never behaved better or done better in school. But Im also a hard headed Irish. We clash but in the best ways. Her and I are like a clif and the ocean, they may seem at war but they are harmonious.
Seems familiar, except my wife is Norwegian. She just doesn't get it that we work differently and at different rates.
So under that logic, if I re-married, to an Italian woman, I should expect: - she would work, but extremely odd hours - then take two months off at the busiest time of the year, - take 4 hour lunch breaks, - walk in randomly scream and yell at me as a normal course of communication Asking for a friend of course
